


“The Incredibly True Story of How Callie Torres and Erica Hahn Hooked It Up on My TV”

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Funny, Het and Slash, Recap, Shorter Version
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The shorter version of how Erica and Callie got to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“The Incredibly True Story of How Callie Torres and Erica Hahn Hooked It Up on My TV”

**The One Where Addison Comes Back**

Callie and Erica: *are totally gay for each other*

Addison: *notices*  
Callie: What’s up? You never email or call since your move to your significantly crappier spin-off.  
Addison: Stuff is up. Are you gay for Hahn?  
Callie: ZOMG NOES! And to prove it, I will have sex with Mark, the walking man-dildo.  
Addison: Hey, Hahn, what do you think of Callie?  
Erica: She is hot and healing my bruised heart from whatever soapy-ass past Shonda will put on me in season five.  
Addison: I see. Well, peace out. I’ve set up this lesbian supercouple, so now I will return to my significantly crappier spin-off. ADDISON AWAY! *flies off like Superman. With the arm in the air, you know what I mean.*

**The Week After Addison Spelled Out the Gay**  
Callie: See how not gay I am! See? SEEEEEE!!!  
Erica: Bitch, why are you avoiding me?  
Callie: Because I love penis. I love Mark-penis.  
Erica: I see.  
Callie: OK, because people think we’re gaybones for each other.  
Erica: LOL, you thought fucking Mark would make you seem _less_ gaybones for me?  
Callie: That _is_ pretty stupid.

**The One Before the Finale**  
Callie: I had a wet dream about Erica last night. I need some straight sex now. Come and fuck me, man-dildo.  
Mark: Hey, I have a soul! It’s deep and loves Evanescence and puppies. I am more than a walking man-dildo!  
Callie: Ew, Evanescence? No.  
Erica: Hey, did you hear people think me and Callie are doin’ it? We are totes lez, f’realsies.  
Callie: Mmm, you know you want a piece of that.  
Mark: O RLY? Fuck my precious fucking soul, let’s have a threesome.  
Erica: Oh, let me see. I think instead I will demonstrate how you are made of FAIL. *kisses the fuck out of Callie* And that’s how I pwnz you.  
Mark: Damn, that turned _me_ a little gay.  
Callie: Wow, your pimp hand is strong, Erica.  
Erica: Call me when you get over your gay panic. Hahn out!  
Callie: It would be right now, but we have to wait for the finale. *sadface*

**The Finale**  
Mark and Callie: *continue to do it because of Callie’s gay panic*  
Mark: So when Erica finally gets on you, it will be so hot.  
Callie: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, ERICA!  
Mark: Dude…are you thinking of her when you fuck me? Party foul!  
Callie: I take the fifth on the grounds of Really Big Trauma. Did you see? There’s a boy in concrete!  
Boy in Concrete: OW, IT HURTS TO BE A GIANT METAPHOR FOR THE CLOSET.  
Bailey: Don’t worry, Han Solo got out of the carbonite and spoilered that spoiler from Even Stevens, so I’m sure you will emerge from the closet-metaphor, too. There will be Freedom, just how like George Michael got free when he came out.  
Boy in Concrete: And the worst part? I did this stupid, stupid thing and got stuck for a girl who is totally in denial!  
Callie: *chokes*  
Erica: Sorry, I missed that. I was too busy hating Cristina for being just like my ex. Am I metaphorically stuck in concrete?  
Obvious Callie Stand-In: I mean, I like him, but my precious cool privilege! I will lose all my hottie points if I date the socially awkward person who my friends do not approve of. PRECIOUS HETERO…I MEAN COOL…PRIVILEGE.  
Callie: If you love somebody, you should do them and to hell with the consequences! Blind infatuation is never wrong! And that’s how I ended up married to George O’Malley.  
Obvious Callie Stand-In: Your name was Callie O’Malley?  
Callie: The point is that I need to totes give up my straight privilege and hit it with my hot, vaguely neuro-non-typical friend Erica, instead of fucking a man-dildo while thinking of having lesbian sex with her.

_Ten Minutes Later_  
Callie: So, McSteamy, sex now?  
Mark: Did the cluebat not descend when you were telling your obvious Sue-thor that she needed to give it up and mack on the boy trapped in the metaphorical closet of concrete?  
Cluebat: *descends*  
Callie: I am wicked gaybones for her, aren’t I?  
Mark: You are.  
Callie: I’ll send you naked makeout pictures to thank you later.  
Mark: Thank you.  
Callie: Hey, Erica?  
Erica: Goddamn motherfucking Cristina Yang. What?  
Callie: Hey! I’m trying to say your love has opened up parts of my heart that I did not know existed – especially the queer part!  
Erica: O RLY?  
Callie: YA RLY.

They kiss. It is far hotter than anyone else’s kissing.

Mark: You got me right here, girls. You got me right here.

As we fade out…

A Thousand Fangirls: Dear Shonda, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ERICA HAHN TRAGIC BREAST CANCER. KTHANXBI.


End file.
